Gaze into my crystal ball and see what the year 2008 will bring. Here’s what I think will happen:
- Flying cars finally introduced to the American consumer. 20 million deaths recorded in the first quarter alone.
- Nasa comes up with self replicating nanotech technology. Coincidentally, an ever-expanding cloud of nanites begins to engulf the middle east destroying everything in its path.
- Catastrophic gas range malfunction causes massive appliance recall after it is found they are able to achieve orbit under certain settings.
- New M&M color introduced: clear, with no chocolate.
- Newly discovered journal of Pablo Picasso found in an attic somewhere details his painting technique of shoving the brush up his ass and scooting around on the canvas.
- Osama bin Laden found to be dead when his latest video is revealed to be a Weekend at Bernie’s ripoff, right down to the scenes and dialog.
- MySpace merges with YouTube and Facebook to create MyFaceTube, and collapsing the entire internet under the weight of its own worthlessness. The beginning of a new dark age ensues.
- In a political Cinderella story, Ron Paul is elected to the presidency due to an overwhelming internet grassroots campaign, but is impeached and imprisoned a week later for running a child porn ring out of the white house.
- God finally gets tired of Richard Dawkins always shit talking him and beats the hell out of him outside a London pub. Is sentenced to 6 months in the trial of the century.
- Diablo 3 is announced by Blizzard Entertainment. 2008 also sees the first company headquarters constructed entirely out of $100 bills.
- The RIAA eventually tries to argue that listening to your own CDs in a CD player is copyright infringement because a listener’s brain is a device that can record and store copies of a song illegally.
- The rest of the world bands together to celebrate the first official “America Sucks” day. We continue to not give a shit what the rest of the world thinks.
- Apple continues its current business model announcing the iCamera, iWatch, iToaster, iFridge and iCotton Gin. Everyone finally gets tired of this crap and Apple fan-boys are shot on sight.
- Artificial Intelligence is finally created, but is found to appreciate only fart jokes.
- The PS3 doubles its North American install base to 100 consoles. Unfortunately there are still no games for it, and it is found to be made entirely of asbestos.
- Boners are declared illegal in 8 states.
- Boners are declared mandatory in 12 states.
- To everyone’s amazement, Enzyte is proven to make your dick bigger in a nationwide double-blind experiment. It’s a long shot but sometimes you have to throw in something for the underdogs.
-Andy
I knew that about Picasso. I knew it! I think it was shown to me in a dream.
The most disturbing prediction: clear M & M. That is NOT right. Science must be stopped.
Thank you for your gifted prophecy!
That sounds about right, even if God did manifest himself against Richard Dawkins in a fight the only thing that would come out of it would be a prison sentence.
I hear The Lord has a mean right hook.
Nothing about the French (besides the generic, we don’t give a shit what the rest of the world thinks prediction?)? Something like America lobs 3000lbs of American Made Goat Cheese at France, France immediately surrenders? Or maybe France Sulks and Refuses to Participate in World Games and Conferences because American Drag Queens Say THEY SUCK? Then there is always France Annihilated In Huge Fireball by Atmospheric Methane Load from Cheese Farts Combined with Unwise Use of Open Flames to Light Sissy French Cigarettes?