By now I am sure everyone has seen or at least heard of the infamous 2 Girls 1 Cup video. If you have not then do yourself a favor and pass on it. If you are still on the fence then let me dissuade you with two words: “Poo” and “Mouth.”

It is the web’s newest shock sensation, but for us hardcore internet veterans it isn’t anything new. Heck I have seen much worse myself, and with the speed at which this stuff gets around now I am sure that given a few more weeks time posting 2 Girls 1 Cup will be seen as shocking not because of the coprophagia involved but because it is soooo passé.

So the problem becomes, how do you shock a group of internet hardasses reliably and with enough force to send them cowering from their computer in the far corner of their room behind a mountain of Red Bull cans and Doritos bags? Here at Station Atomica we have found the anwer:

Just post this image (or any similar arachnid) and let the pant shitting begin. It doesn’t matter why you need to send the fear of the Lord into these jerks. Maybe the moderator of your favorite Dragon Ball Z erotic fan art forum has been giving you a hard time? The point is I have found that no matter how many genital mutilation or desensitizing LOL cats these guys have seen, they will inexplicably transform into a quivering mass of dickless whenever faced with a tiny spider picture.

It’s just amazing how something so innocuous is able to turn a group of manly men into a bunch of 1950s housewives standing on a chair screeching at some poor mouse on the floor. There can be only two reasons for this: Either these Internet Toughguys aren’t so tough after all, or most of them are cripplingly stupid. While I am sure that the former is true I am positive that the latter plays a large part as well. If you ever want to separate the idiots out like a sort of dumb cream rising to the top just analyze the responses to a picture of a spider (insects work too most of the time, except for ladybugs for some reason.) Every time you see, “Shit! Nuke it from orbit!” “Oh FUCK kill it with fire quick!” or “Chuck Norris save me with your roundhouse kick!” you can basically write that person off as an incurable retard.

Yes the spider picture is a formidable weapon at your disposal in your war against the drooling man-children of the internet. Just try to say away from pictures of jumping spiders because those guys are cute as a gosh-darn button.

–Andy