Archive for the 'Doodle Factory' Category

Doodle Factory for 2-16-08

Published on February 16, 2008 in Doodle Factory and Features. 4 Comments

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Our clients recently put in an order for 12,000 units of doodles, so it’s time for the factory to ramp up production. Let’s check in and see what those hard workin’ blue collarin’ doodle manufacturers are rolling off the assembly lines.

Frenchman

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I was not always as worldly as I am now. In fact I used to have some strange ideas about other cultures and peoples. Take this depiction of a Frenchman for example. With the benefit of experience under my belt I no longer believe the French are a people of hammer wielding, spike footed lunatics with the jaws of an over-sized dung beetle. See that thing to the upper left of his head? It’s a Jerrycan full of gasoline being poured onto his mouth parts. See that small thing flying in from the left side of the image? It’s a lit match.

 

Eric the Red

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Another example of my razor sharp wit, this is a drawing of famous viking leader Eric the Red. Originally this drawing was in blue ball point pen, hence Eric’s protest. Also, just in case you don’t know what a ruler is, I decided to illustrate one below Eric. Now that I have given you all a ruler drawing maybe I can FINALLY stop getting email requests for them.

 

Gunpowder Pope

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That sounds like a great name for a band. This doodle springs from the eternal question: “What if the Pope suddenly began to turn into gunpowder, leaving a flammable trail wherever he went?” At least that was a nagging question in my mind during this doodle’s production. Looks like all those candles the catholics like so much finally caught up to the old Vicar of Christ.

That’s it for this installment. Check back for more drawings by a retard so you can laugh and throw virtual beer cans at him.

Everybody!  Here’s more Doodle Factory!  HEEEAAAAHALALKHSDFOIS!

-Andy

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Doodle Factory for 02-03-08

Published on February 4, 2008 in Doodle Factory and Features. 4 Comments

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Most doodle factories have been shifted overseas to take advantage of cheap sweatshop labor, but not my doodle factory. As long as I’m alive Doodle Factory doodles will continue to be produced by the American worker, for the American worker. Let me show you what American pride and know how can do, by gum.

 

Spanish Armada

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This one was probably made during a history class. I say probably because there were almost no notes on the entire page this thing was drawn on. It is an interesting historical fact that the emblem for the Spanish Monarchy at the time of the Armada was a gigantic, toothsome, bellowing head. This is a depiction of the events leading up to the destruction of the Spanish Armada by the English. Obviously things did not go well from the start, with vessels engulfed in flame and crewmen jumping overboard into the mouths of waiting sharks.

To top it off, apparently the good Lord took exception to the Armada and summarily crushed it under his mighty and vengeful thumb. I hope this lesson has helped you build an appreciation for the colorful history that has shaped our world.

 

Big Ear

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Welp, that sure is a big ear. I guess it makes up for the fact that his other one is totally missing. And maybe the fact that he has no body whatsoever. I imagine existence is pretty hellish for this little guy being nothing but a head planted into a floating chunk of earth by three spikes. By the looks of things he doesn’t get much sleep judging by the bags under his eyes. With an ear like that I bet he’s kept up all night by the the faucet dripping. I am assuming there is a separate, un-pictured faucet on another floating earth-chunk.

 

Curvy Head

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This guy appears on the same page as Big Ear up there. It may surprise folks to know that I never had a drug problem, neither in my formative years, nor when I drew these doodles. So what to say about this guy… Sucks to be him! Seriously, get a load of that ass-chin. He could bludgeon people to death with that thing, if it wasn’t such a ridiculous isthmus of head-flesh. All that ugliness and he’s even gone bald. Not that a full head of thick hair hydrated with the latest hair-care products would help him induce anything but horror in anyone who gets a good look at him. He kinda reminds me of that Chinese face-tumor dude.

That’s it for this week. Check back soon for more doodles, and remember to check out the Doodle Factory archives. I promise next time I will choose less scary ones.

-Andy

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Doodle Factory for 01-22-08

Published on January 23, 2008 in Doodle Factory and Features. 3 Comments

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Today we switch the doodlin’ machines into high gear so you, the reader, can enjoy the fruits of our labors. Working overtime in dangerous conditions with no compensation and abusive foremen isn’t the best life, but it’s worth it as long as everyone gets a laugh. Twelve men died in the production of these doodles, so you better fucking laugh, so help me God…

Fruity

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This odd little feller is one in a series of “fruity” guys I have doodled. See, he’s even telling you he’s fruity, you don’t have to take my word for it! So yeah, basically a very effeminate guy with a bit of makeup on, long luscious lashes, porno-grade finger nails, and a dainty little handkerchief. I might have been pushing it with the inclusion of the apple, an actual item of fruit, though. I pride myself in my subtlety and that is just a little ham-fisted. Also, we got the return of the ass-chin from previous Doodle Factories.

Gadget Wapper

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Okay I am not sure if “wap” is a real word first of all. I may have dreamed it up. Let’s just agree that “wap” is a verb meaning basically “to strike vigorously.” With that out of the way, you can see Inspector Gadget’s newest, um… gadget. The “wapper” is basically a wood plank wrapped in barbed wire, with nails through it, engulfed in burning fire.

The good inspector has deployed it against some sort of cloud bodied, spike eyed monster/man. I guess the parrot on his shoulder told him to do it. You know what, fuck it. This one is totally incomprehensible and we haven’t even gotten to Gadget’s choice in footwear. Let’s let posterity decipher it because I can’t, and I’m the one who drew it!

PhineASS Gage

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Bear with me on this, because this one has a history lesson behind it. Back in the day, when the iron horse was stretching its way across this great country, a man named Phineas Gage was working on the railroad and encountered an accident wherein a metal rod or spike of some sort was blasted into his head. Instead of dying, however, Phineas merely experienced a dramatic change in personality. He became an unbearable asshole. Read more here if’n you want to.

So anyways, that is why this doodle is called PhineASS. I wasn’t at the scene of the accident so I wouldn’t trust this as an actual, factual representation of what went down. I doubt Phineas would be working on the railroads with a glorious pair of wings like that.

Fly on over to my other doodle factory updates.

-Andy

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Doodle Factory for 01-08-08

Published on January 8, 2008 in Doodle Factory and Features. 1 Comment

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What time is it? Time to tour the doodle factory again kids! Lets see what they have on the assembly line today, and for God’s sake don’t get your fingers caught in any heavy machinery.

Cupid

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sorry for the crap quality, but then again what do you expect from a guy who posts his doodles? So this is a horrifying version of cupid with butterfly wings, a melting pat of butter for a head, and some seriously deformed legs. I don’t think he realizes that he obviously isn’t the real cupid, and as a consequence has murdered a poor lad with his bow. He is missing that special magic the real cupid has, namely the ability to not look completely terrifying to the stoutest of our warriors. He is saying, “I bring you love,” but any wise man would be hauling ass in the opposite direction too fast to hear this.

Dog on Skates

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Well, it’s a dog with what looks like the head of Butterbean attached to him. There are too many screwed up things in this small doodle to rightly grasp at once so take your time pondering it. I was a physics whiz so I knew about centers of gravity and the effects massive fat-man heads have on tiny dog bodies, so I added a fishing hook/line attached to his tail so he wouldn’t tip over. This was not enough so I added a lead weight to his tail as well. Add a levitating cowboy hat and a circular saw blade embedded in his back and you got yourself a fine looking freak show. The rock? Well, you see, it’s a rock…

Eyes Gone

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Well technically the eyes are still there, they are just a little worse for wear. He doesn’t seem too concerned about the fact that his eyeballs have experienced a severe blowout. This doodle is a prime example of my preferred head shape: Lumpy, huge brow ridge, and ridiculous ass-chin. Keep on truckin’ little severely wounded dude. Don’t let anything get you down.

Previous production runs of the factory here.

-Andy

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Doodle Factory for 12-29-07

Published on December 29, 2007 in Doodle Factory and Features. 2 Comments

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Its that time again folks for another trip to the Doodle Factory, where the hours are long, the pay is meager, and nothing makes any goddamn sense. Now get back to work, time is money!

Headspike

 

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Some people like piercings. Some people like them a lot. This dude likes them so much he not only pierced his ear, but his jawbone as well, and drove a spike into the top of his head to boot. At the time it seemed like the next logical extreme in body modification, and I’m still surprised I haven’t seen this done at all. Check out that chin too. It doesn’t look kind of like an ass at all. It looks EXACTLY like an ass.

 

Boxy

 

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It looks like Boxy (that’s his name) here has seen better days. I don’t know why he’s dead, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that his head isn’t attached to his little box body. He is completely dismembered for that matter. Perhaps he was killed because of his atrocious hairstyling. I mean look at it. Just one hair carefully curled over and over into a spring-like shape. If you’re going bald don’t try to salvage your looks by taking your single 6-foot long hair and piling it up on top. You deserved everything you got for that bullshit Boxy.

 

Crazy Viking

 

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Look out! He’s CRAAAAZY! I know if I was a viking I would absolutely have a belt buckle with my cultural heritage stamped onto it. As it stands all my belt buckles are made of NES controllers, and that isn’t nearly as cool as being a viking. It looks like he has a collection of bones down at his feet, and I assume they belong to his latest victim. There seem to be a few bones missing, as well as all of the organs and flesh. We can only assume that Crazy Viking ate the rest. Hey, that amazing physique doesn’t come from eating Cheetos and Panda Express.

More Doodle Factory

-Andy

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