Archive for January, 2008

.GIF Critique Theatre for 1-30-08

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Welcome, seekers of the inner truth, to .GIF Critique Theatre. This week we examine .GIF art portraying environmental themes, and the place humanity takes in this environment. .GIF image artistry has a long and complex relationship with the natural world, going back many couples of years. I hope you will find as much mental sustenance for your questing mind as I do in these masterworks of the grand art of .GIFcraft.

Growing Tree

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The growing tree is an example of the meticulous design and attention to pacing that is a hallmark of early English .GIF artistry. Notice the slight pause the swaying tree makes as the human emerges for the first time from betwixt its verdant foliage. Notice, too, the lingering shot of the ejected human on the ground. This was intentionally done to give the viewer time to mentally register the message this .GIF holds before launching into another iteration.

And just what is this message? Obviously the artist was attempting to portray the link mankind has with the natural world. Indeed this piece emphasizes the fact that we are born of Mother Nature’s womb, for where else would we have our genesis? Man is not present until the lush greenery has fully billowed forth. Interesting is man’s attempt to escape this natural eden, and the tree’s violent response to this.

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As complex thematically as this work is, the artist failed to pay heed to execution. Man is a crudely depicted facsimile who does not engender sympathy. The artist squanders an opportunity for greater emotional impact and identification in his careless depiction of man’s form at the mercy of a vengeful Mother Earth.

Tools2

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Tools2 is the second in the series “What Hath Man Wrought” by Egyptian .GIF artist Sammar Jones. The series deals with modern technology in relation to the human condition, and specifically asks the question, “Are we truly better off for technology’s presence?”

In a VoIP interview, we asked Sammar Jones about the inspiration for his work.

“I have strong feelings that technology is impeding mankind’s humanity. For instance, Just the other month I had flown in to New York on business. I was on my cellphone with my wife, who was going to undergo a minor operation to remove a painful cyst, when a careless passerby on a bicycle skidded through a puddle of water and splashed me. I was so angry that day that I nearly dropped my ipod while shaking my fist.”

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“Now, had we never invented the wheel, the rude individual would not have been biking, and I would not have been wet. If mankind had never developed clothing I would not have had my soaked underwear riding up my crack all afternoon. In these ways we are living in a technological hell.”

“My work is like that. The hammer pounds and pounds, but for all its complexity and space age materials it can not drive the nail home. It’s circuitry and superconducting polarized ionic head is not able to perform the task a simple rock would have no trouble completing.”

Overwater

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Overwater is very similar in theme to Jones’s Tools2, but the execution and mood are entirely different. Instead of dwelling in a negative way about the harm technology has done to man’s satisfaction, the artist here focuses on the beauty of nature in such a way as to make all of man’s scientific progress seem trite. The airplane literally hovers motionless as we are captivated by the completely natural lapping of waves.

This work makes the point that, although we live in a jungle of concrete and stainless steel, the beauty of nature can be had just by the act of shifting our focus. In the artist’s mind communing with nature has healing properties in an artificial setting. Yes, we have the ability to fly to our destination in a gas fueled mechanized airplane, but might we also swim in the cooling waters of Mother Earth with the destination being the same?

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Thank you, kind reader, for your patronage at the .GIF Critique Theatre. We do hope you will peruse our gallery during our next show, a look at the .GIF image in the political arena.

Previous .GIF gallery shows

-Andy

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My Ass

My ass hurts.

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Serious

-Andy

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Politics in our post Web 2.0 World

gwkbush.jpgIf there’s one thing politicians are good at it’s scandals. On the most basic level their “job” is to get elected, and stay elected. Once you’re in the only things you have to remember are A) keep saying pretty things to make people forget you don’t do/know anything, and B) don’t make grabs at other guy’s wieners in airport bathrooms. It is incredible what is dug up on some of the guys we elect.

It’s about to get a whole lot more fun though. This is the Web 2.0 revolution everyone! What happens in 20-30 years when the parade of retards inhabiting Facebook starts running for office? People are not only creating skeletons for their closets faster than ever before, they’re making sure to record the whole thing for posterity as well! Lets take a look into the future to see what the scandals in the year 2032 look like.  Clickity click for big.

G W K Bush Drops White House Bid Amidst MySpace Controversy

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Treasury Secretary Frudy Resigns under WOW Scandal

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Senator Laughed out of Office for Viral Video

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There’s probably a million typos in those things, but they’re images and I won’t fix ‘em now so just pretend with the power of imagination they aren’t there.

-Andy

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Yee Haw! Banner Ad Roundup!

Know what’s annoying? Banner ads! Know what I am going to make fun of now? BANNER ADS!

I know it’s an easy target, but sometimes you just have to sit back, relax, and ridicule people who have wasted their lives creating hideous things that in no way contribute to human achievement.

Mama always says…

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That isn’t my mom. What are they banking on? Someone having a mother that looks enough like this to bring about some sense of familiarity? If I am not mistaken, the IRS doesn’t charge you to file your taxes in the first place. I guess SOMETHING always has to be free, even if it started out that way in the first place.

Time it would take me to make ad: 5 minutes

Worth to humanity: -5 years cancer research

 

Beat up the Devil!

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I guess ringtones are big money. I have never bothered with them myself, but then again I still communicate using smoke signals. Are they trying to make it look like a game? I guess anyone looking for free Fiddy Cent ringtones would be enormously entertained by mashing on one bright red button over and over.

Time to make: 6 minutes 20 seconds

Worth to humanity: Collapse of the Sistine Chapel ceiling

 

Is Bush a good president?

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Ah George Bush. Forget about the Iraq war and the War on Terror, when some advanced civilization finally digs up the buried remains of our culture and examines all our old data, G W Bush is destined to take his place next to Ron Popeil and that insane guy in the question mark suit as corny marketing personalities. This isn’t even really an ad. What the hell are they trying to sell? I guess they are relying on the “Bush = Hitler” and “Bush = God’s Warrior of Light” crowds to give their unsolicited opinions by mashing down on those buttons with a click of their grease saturated mouse.

Time to make: 7 minutes

Worth to humanity: Stubbing your toe on a petrified turd in your living room for some reason.

 

Safe with Bush?

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Now you must realize that someone created this image. Someone at some point loaded up Photoshop (or MS Paint) and banged this out in a handful of minutes before stuffing a handful of Cheetos in their face and making ten more slightly different but equally awful banner ads. They then retire to their bedroom, cry into their pillow for 15 minutes before getting the courage to finally blow their brains out. Now that you know the story behind all of the banner ads you see it somehow makes it all seem worth it.

Time to make: 2 minutes flat, including a bathroom break

Worth to humanity: Destruction of the Amazon rainforest in 10 years.

 

Help Deer Cross!

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Well it isn’t banner shaped, but it is the same genre so it is fair game. There’s that fucking button again. It looks like the damn History Eraser Button from Ren and Stimpy. It’s like if modern video games had controllers with one giant “WIN” button on them. The pride these hicks must feel when they click on the ad, sure their browser is whisking them away to their reward of free ringtones for the momentous task of helping that deer cross the road. God bless them.

Time to make: 4 minutes

Worth to humanity: Leonardo Da Vinci was never born

-Andy

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By the Power of Grayskull, You are a NERD!

It’s official.  It’s automatic if you are reading this message.  You are a nerd on a Friday Night.  Enjoy your time in the spotlight, young nerd, for in the morning you may not find yourself quite so nerdy.  I have no idea what I am writing anymore.  ZAM BAM BADOOOOOOO

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Collect the whole set of Friday Night Nerds here.

-Andy

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